Rainy afternoon

So, this is the place I love the most when it comes to the things I've written. Why? Is it here that I am most honest? Perhaps. I think that this is my first blog, the one that began without any pretense or alter-purpose other than to get my thoughts down.

I've had another rough year. I am still sad about the book group, and it has been almost two years. I still smart with the embarassment of saying (or should I say writing) the wrong thing that was read by the wrong eyes. I still feel detached and unworthy of the group. Distant and uncomfortable. Melancholy. Uncomfortable, though I try my best to hide it.

I am also ashamed of myself for all of the bad thoughts I have harbored toward people who I truthfully like.

My problems is much older than this year and last. I struggle with the disappointment of never developing life-long friends, but such is the life of a kid who grows up moving every two years or so. I want to overcome this hurdle, for a have harborded the habit of attitude that there are more people in the world to meet and know, that friendships do not last a lifetime and that's okay. It's not really okay though. Thank God for the man I married. Without his steady, constant and supportive presence, I shudder to think where I might have gone.

Yeah, it's raining right now. Outside and inside. But life goes on and despite my sorrowful attitude right now, there are people who care about me, and for that I am grateful as well.