Contemplating my choices

A shift in my world is going to alter it forever. It is not something I foresaw, though I think it is something that I secretly hoped for long in the making. My question to myself is whether or not I will be willing to go through with it in the end and whether or not I can accept things on the chance that the risk I take does not pan out as planned.

Given that we can only control so much, how much of time's fate will be kind given the fact that my hatching plan isn't necessarily so kind?

And yet, thinking about the status quo in my life doesn't necessarily bring me great comfort either. Rather, it suggests years of polite, yet mind-numbing conversations grown out of the fear of the arguments the truth might provoke.

I have no desire to be a rescued woman, for that will only lower my self-esteem in the end.
I have no desire to allow my mind to decay either, for that is not living.
I have no desire to sacrifice my personal growth for the will of another.

Either way, it is a crap shoot in the grand scheme of life.

Were I not afraid of growing old alone, I would no doubt be in a different place right now; and if I could overcome that fundamental fear, this whole ordeal might be easier, more black and white.

Going back to compromise, I suppose that it will be important that the compromises that I am willing to make are matched, and perhaps that is the condition on which I should proceed. Yes, it will be important not to accept excuses about why the compromises cannot be equitable. Otherwise, the outcome will likely be disastrous.

And so I wonder, should I continue to simply go with the chain of events as they play out? Perhaps only as long as I am resolute in my self- honesty and my confidence in laying it out on the line.